I'm eating all of the evidence.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize