nut hugger
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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