yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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