He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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