no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
