how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
