I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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