i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
