I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
everyone is single if you try hard enough
His hands were made for my vagina.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
