you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
