i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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