is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
