I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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