When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize