Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
