my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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