my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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