I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
