Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
