i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
