Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
