he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
