This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize