Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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