Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
are you so shy because you have an std?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
