Whoa Z and x make the same sound
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
