i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's rum buckets o'clock
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
