marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
