Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize