remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The dick lei will go down in squad history
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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