oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
