i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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