If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
