So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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