My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
