I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
