he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
