Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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