why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
