My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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