you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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