Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
