Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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