Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
