i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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