So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
