I hate all girls vehemently.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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