You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
