how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
