Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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