I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
