Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
last night I used snow as a chaser
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
