And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
