don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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