All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
