its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
