I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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