i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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