it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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