There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
