I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Im part way to drunk.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
