According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
