Redeem this text for a blowjob
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
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