You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
