Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
