Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
