If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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