bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
even my farts smell like vagina
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
NoShamevember. You game?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
