No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
