he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
