If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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