so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I would fuck him just for his dog
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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